The return of the legend

By CHILI DOG

Finally.

The bald one came to his senses and agreed to allow me to write a column for the Heavener Ledger, oops, Heavener.news.

We all know Hall flopped like a fish out of water with the newspaper because he simply didnj’t use me enough.

But, of well, I might be in the minority here, but I miss sitting on the throne every Thursday evening and glancing through the Ledger, reading the Legals to make sure nobody was suing me and then turning to the comics, which was the best part of the paper if you ask me and you obviously want to read my opinion or you wouldn’t have spent this much time online.

I’m really not sure I like this online stuff. Some of my biggest fans are newspaper people and don’t even have internet yet, but probably will when they find out I am back and writing a column for Heavener.news.

Football is only a couple of weeks gone for your Heavener Wolves and I already miss it. Friday night and football just go together like toilet paper and poop, if you ask me.

For those of you who might not remember, the old Chili Dog was a legend at Heavener High School. Known here and far for my pattened ankle twists of opposing players in piles and the occasional (groin) punch when the opportunity presented itself.

And, I didn’t just do this in retaliation to the Panama players, who usually got dirty first, I did it to everybody. One of my finest moments was when I was twisting this one player’s leg and I heard a loud pop and a scream. Or when I popped this one player so hard he lost a nugget.

I would tell you what team it was, but I’m not sure the statute of limitations has expired yet and they might come after my social security disability check. Now, why am I getting a social security disability check? It’s a family thing, in fact, the whole family has mastered this so we don’t actually have to work aside from the end of the month when there is more month than there is money, or I have spent too much money on chili dogs at the Sonic.

I don’t know for sure, but the price for a chili dog at the Sonic has gone way up. Heck, I could eat somewhere decent for the same price, but it just ain’t the same as sitting out in my truck with the 80s rock music blaring so loud, people are staring at me, while I am downing a chili dog, even a footlong chili dog when I have enough moolah.

The family is doing well for the most part, just a couple members of the family in jail for selling their food stamp cards for cash and getting caught. I wrote a letter to President Trump asking for a pardon, but he obviously must be kindly busy fighting those dirty Democrats as he hasn’t answered my letters, returned my phone calls or even answered when I mentioned the great one on X.

I guess this will do it. We have to scout out the best place for a free Thanksgiving dinner and share it with all my family members not in the slammer since they aren’t dumb enough to sell their food stamps to a cop. They only sell them to people they know and trust to get enough cash to buy some dip.

So, later. But don’t despair, the Chili Dog will be back and better than ever, not a failure like the former publisher of the Heavener newspaper.